what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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