your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
