WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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