I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
