Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
