you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
