Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
