First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
