I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize