i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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