I want to have your abortion
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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