you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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