im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
