I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
