Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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