I wish I only lived at night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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