i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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