i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
