If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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