god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize