I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
