I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
