No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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