Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
