You're so nebulous sometimes
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
