Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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