Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
