the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize