Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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