I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
