Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
