i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
