you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
