is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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