i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
