I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
