Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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