he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
