When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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