You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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