I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
