I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
