The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
