It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
