Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
