My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
PANTIES FOUND
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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