He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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