You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
