guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
