Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
