All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
