Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
