I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
