shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
