Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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