M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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