He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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