i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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