she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize