The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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