HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
