Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you never un-have a 4some
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
