I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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