I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
