bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
