There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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