Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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