I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize