I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
