Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
