Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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