A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
