you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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