I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
