Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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