Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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