I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
