How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
