i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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