I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
