sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
