I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
