i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
