so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
