nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she peed on how many people?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
