Its about making memories worth repressing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry my hands just texted you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
