She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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