Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
