They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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