Non-Jews are for practice
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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