The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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