it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
