I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have fence marks all over my body
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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